i..want..to..be..a..baby


	worst \| best
	abacus: will always be in the shadow of his cousin calculator		theodora: even “baby names for dummies” excludes this one
	aerilyn: is your baby an alien?		nixon: most likely to go by nickname…crook
	opal: pretentious cheap gem		ripley: believe it or not. not
	cameron: makes you think of Kirk. then you gag.		acne: name his other siblings pus and zit
	parker: perfect…for a valet		satchel: bag and tote are better alternatives
	kohinoor: american equivalent…pointdexter		brooklyn: will always feel inferior to manhanatties
	armani: he’ll never be able to start his own designer label		dandelion: dandelions spread easy. nuff said
	sidney: do you really want to name your kid after an ohio city?		shiloh: people named neil will always call your name
	innocent: it won’t seem so cute when she’s fourteen and pregnant		mason: why not “plumber” or “roofer”?
	warwick: stop the war! give peace a chance		reed: rhymes with greed
	indigo: you wouldn’t name your kid “purple” would you?		willow: never name your kid after a val kilmer movie
	angel: unless she/he has wings…don’t do it		heaven: her husbands joke will be…life with heaven is hell
	infinity: how many mpgs does she get?		gertrude: she’ll grow into it. if she lives to be ninety
	jordan: do you really think they’ll “be like mike”?		chastity: see innocent
	justice: prison id #54452		jersey: otherwise known as “armpit”
	suri: we would make a joke. but tom would have us killed		clementine: eternal sunshine of the thoughtless name
	charbonet: your parents really meant chardonay		paris: name your children after saints…not sluts