about baby help
worst | best

abacus: will always be in the shadow of his cousin calculator

theodora: even “baby names for dummies” excludes this one

aerilyn: is your baby an alien?

nixon: most likely to go by nickname…crook
opal: pretentious cheap gem

ripley: believe it or not. not
cameron: makes you think of Kirk. then you gag.

acne: name his other siblings pus and zit

parker: perfect…for a valet

satchel: bag and tote are better alternatives
kohinoor: american equivalent…pointdexter

brooklyn: will always feel inferior to manhanatties
armani: he’ll never be able to start his own designer label

dandelion: dandelions spread easy. nuff said
sidney: do you really want to name your kid after an ohio city?

shiloh: people named neil will always call your name
innocent: it won’t seem so cute when she’s fourteen and pregnant

mason: why not “plumber” or “roofer”?
warwick: stop the war! give peace a chance

reed: rhymes with greed
indigo: you wouldn’t name your kid “purple” would you?

willow: never name your kid after a val kilmer movie
angel: unless she/he has wings…don’t do it

heaven: her husbands joke will be…life with heaven is hell
infinity: how many mpgs does she get?

gertrude: she’ll grow into it. if she lives to be ninety
jordan: do you really think they’ll “be like mike”?

chastity: see innocent
justice: prison id #54452

jersey: otherwise known as “armpit”
suri: we would make a joke. but tom would have us killed

clementine: eternal sunshine of the thoughtless name
charbonet: your parents really meant chardonay paris: name your children after saints…not sluts
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